if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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