As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
