Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
