Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
