I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
