I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
