five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize