Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
