All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
