just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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