Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
