She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
