He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I deserve this hangover.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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