We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
