She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
