i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
