HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
