I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
