Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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