By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
