nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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