Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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