my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
