i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
