Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
