I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
