No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
