she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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