Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize