sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
