Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
