I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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