If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Boobs are out for the taking
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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