I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just forgot I was standing up.
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And then the night went full on bisexual.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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