I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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