i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
