Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
