awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
