I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
