You smell like a Billy Joel song
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
