I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
