My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Michael Bay diarrhea
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
