god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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