i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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