my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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