What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
