can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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