Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
