I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
