Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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