I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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