if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
