how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
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two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
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Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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