Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
