i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
