If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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