Soap is not a condiment
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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