Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
