hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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