I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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