dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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