Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Couch. On fire.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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