You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
