I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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