i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
