shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
