i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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